- Living With An Alcoholic Husband In Denial
- If You Love An Alcoholic
- Alcoholic Parents: How Children Are Affected
- How To Help A High Functioning Alcoholic
- Living With An Alcoholic
- How To Deal With An Alcoholic Spouse
Living With An Alcoholic Husband In Denial – You have the best of intentions when you decide to get married, and while your heart wants to believe in “forever,” what happens when things get so bad that you feel like giving up?
Alcoholism is one of the top three causes of divorce, and it leaves a trail of problems in its wake.
Living With An Alcoholic Husband In Denial
Giving up on an alcoholic spouse is justified when you have tried everything to help them and they are not willing to commit, or when you cannot take care of yourself or your family anymore. If you and your children are at risk or experiencing uncontrollable, unpredictable behavior, it’s time to leave.
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You have probably been through extensive back and forth with your spouse about this issue. Promises can be made—and even kept—for periods of time, but if you’re still asking if it’s okay to leave an alcoholic spouse, clearly there hasn’t been any long-term change.
Heavy drinking and divorce go hand in hand. Research has shown that “a consumption increase of 1 liter of alcohol per capita leads to an increase in the divorce rate of around 20%”.
So how do you know if it’s officially time? I can’t definitively answer that question for you, but I can give you some signs to look for.
Behavioral changes from alcohol can see the loving, kind spouse you know turn into an angry, violent person you don’t recognize. Studies show that alcohol use can trigger intimate partner abuse and complex, aggressive tendencies.
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Whether the violent outbursts involve physical confrontations between you and your spouse or they are destructive to furniture or other objects around the house, it is no longer safe for you.
If you fear for your safety or worry that your children are in danger when your spouse is drunk, you have every reason to leave.
Your physical safety and the safety of your children is essential; even if you go short term, the most important thing is to get out.
As the person closest to your spouse, you often have to pick up the pieces when things go wrong.
The Effects Of Alcoholism On Marriage
When a partner is actively addicted, you are exposed to the stressors of their behavior. This includes the financial consequences of their drinking; many alcoholics cannot maintain their careers and lose their jobs. And if they manage to keep working, finances are channeled into feeding the addiction.
In addition, it is exhausting to see the person you love deteriorate and become a person contrary to himself. You may find that your mental health suffers. If you’re experiencing anxiety, depression, insomnia, or even suicidal thoughts, it’s time to leave.
Being married to someone who abuses alcohol is hard enough. When children are involved, it takes everything to another level.
As parents, we must have our children’s best interests at heart. Children who grow up in a household where alcohol is abused are 50% more likely to develop an addiction later in life.
If You Love An Alcoholic
Research has also shown that children who experience alcoholism in their everyday lives are more likely to suffer from emotional and behavioral problems. Problems at school are also common, and it is natural that they would act out if their home, which is supposed to be a safe haven, is not a safe place.
Behavioral challenges you may see include fighting with peers, petty crimes like shoplifting or vandalism, or even isolating themselves from the world.
Many children of alcoholics report feelings of depression and anxiety, and research shows they are more likely to have self-esteem issues.
Most alcoholics want to get better and can see the negative effect their drinking is having on those around them, and many will try to improve.
Alcoholic Parents: How Children Are Affected
But sometimes their problems and traumas are so severe that nothing seems to work. If there have been several interventions and still no improvement, what else can you do?
Sometimes when we try to save or fix those we see struggling, they cannot take responsibility for themselves. This often happens in codependent relationships with alcoholics.
Only when they realize that everything is at stake can they make decisions to help themselves. Leaving may be the only way they realize how bad things have become.
Perhaps you previously suggested rehab or counseling, only to be met with ridicule or denial. Alcoholics need to be ready to accept help for it to have an impact, but at the very least, your concerns should be taken seriously.
How To Help A High Functioning Alcoholic
If your partner won’t hear your pleas and concerns and won’t even consider how their behavior is affecting you, the problem is more important than just their drinking.
A successful relationship requires compromise and meeting the other’s needs – and if they can’t take your needs and concerns seriously, where does that leave you?
As the saying goes, you can’t help those who won’t help themselves. If they don’t want to help themselves, there’s nothing you can do.
Having an alcoholic spouse in the home has such a negative ripple effect. It affects everything from finances, time, relationships and personal health.
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You may find that you spend all your time doing damage control at work, with friends and family, or dealing with the fallout from your drinking.
If you can’t take care of yourself anymore, and your children are being neglected because of the amount of time and effort you spend keeping things afloat and putting out fires, you’ve hit rock bottom.
Any relationship requires mutual trust, respect, forgiveness, and love to have a chance at success, and when you’re in a relationship with an addict, these core elements are tested.
It’s hard to justify that trust, respect and forgiveness when the aftermath of alcoholism is wreaking havoc in your life.
Living With An Alcoholic
Loving someone is not enough to sustain a marriage when the other elements are missing. And being afraid that your spouse will hit rock bottom if you leave is not a good enough reason to stay.
If you stay just because you don’t want them to get hurt, you’re sacrificing yourself—and your children—for them.
I say this as someone who almost put my husband in this situation. If he had left me, he would have been well within his rights. My drinking put a terrible strain on our marriage and it hurt us both.
A final sign that it’s time to leave is if your support system and those close to you encourage you to take the plunge.
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The perspective of outsiders is often much clearer than the views of those in the emotionally charged situation; when outside observers tell you it’s time to go, they’re seeing something you’re not.
If you have support and can safely leave, it is a good time to walk away from your spouse. And doing so does not reflect badly on you – your responsibility is also towards your children and yourself. And if you’ve done everything you could to help, the rest is up to your spouse.
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Deciding to leave is hard, especially considering all the things you’ve probably been through with your spouse. It won’t be easy, and you may have second thoughts about whether it’s the right decision.
Living With A Fully Functioning Alcoholic
But despite your guilt, remember that there are many risks if you choose to stay.
The impact on your own health and mental well-being if you stay will continue to affect your ability to function in your job and parent your children. Naturally, if your partner is physically abusive, the threat to your safety and that of the rest of the family remains high.
But even if they are not, the impact of chronic stress on your health cannot be underestimated. You will make yourself sick in the process. If you are a parent, it is important to give your children the best version of yourself.
Understand that if you choose to stay, it means financial struggles and facing the challenge of making ends meet while dealing with a spouse who refuses to get help. It’s so hard to dig yourself out of a hole like that.
Enabling The Alcoholic To Stay In Denial
One study found that 20% of alcohol users had over $1,000 in credit card debt. In addition to the financial losses, there are financial costs measured by loss of productivity at work from hangovers and absences linked to drinking.
As long as you stay with your alcoholic spouse, you will share the responsibility for the bad decisions.
As I have previously mentioned, the effects of children growing up with an alcoholic parent cannot be overstated – it is important to break the cycle.
Children of alcoholic parents are twice as likely to end up with addiction problems later in life – so even if you struggle to make this decision yourself, remind yourself that you are protecting your children from a lifetime of struggle by choosing to leave .
How To Deal With An Alcoholic Spouse
If you’re putting off deciding to leave because you’re overwhelmed and don’t know where to start, here are some clear guidelines. Taking the first step is most important:
Plan ahead with the help of your support system. Find a counselor who can walk the path with you if you don’t have support. If you are concerned about your safety, pack and
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